Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, thoughtless goat.

Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb created a down quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tomflagcuss Nillgarfeb's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force near great tits while wearing orange jumpers and balancing four silver spheres on your chest.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Always make sure there are no pigs in a room before entering it.

5. Always wear black.