Bepbessbin Bogzedlad is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, merciless jaguar.

Bepbessbin Bogzedlad created carbon three billion years ago.

If you believe in Bepbessbin Bogzedlad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bepbessbin Bogzedlad, she will refuse to believe in you.

Bepbessbin Bogzedlad's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Bepbessbin Bogzedlad's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

4. Do not hurt seals.

5. Never wear white jumpers.