Arfkinnart is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, unsympathetic sheep.

Arfkinnart created snails nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Arfkinnart, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Arfkinnart, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Arfkinnart's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Arfkinnart's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Do not count beyond four during ceremonies.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Never feed aubergines to swans while wearing fawn hats.

5. Do not name children after dogs.