Flanxemsig is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, slow bird.

Flanxemsig created the Milkyway four billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanxemsig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Flanxemsig, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Flanxemsig's most sacred site is Embalam in India.

Flanxemsig's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Flanxemsig.

3. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Flanxemsig in the centre of the settlement.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Retreat if five bats approach from the east.