Fascinbam is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, moody gerbil.

Fascinbam created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fascinbam, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Fascinbam, he will send you a sign.

Fascinbam's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Fascinbam's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fascinbam.

2. Do not wear magenta clothing.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

5. Put Fascinbam first in all things.