Futqueeggun is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, witty gnu.

Futqueeggun created the Tadpole Galaxy eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Futqueeggun, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Futqueeggun, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Futqueeggun's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Futqueeggun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear fawn clothing.

2. Never adorn your face with violet markings.

3. Always face the west before speaking sacred words.

4. Never feed lots of peas to geese while wearing mauve trousers.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.