Nilcarten is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, vain scorpion.

Nilcarten created Mount Everest eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nilcarten, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nilcarten, she will remove you from existence.

Nilcarten's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Nilcarten's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate whales.

2. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not wear aluminium on your body.