Hogbarnnur is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, ill-tempered tortoise.

Hogbarnnur created the Large Magellanic Cloud two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hogbarnnur, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Hogbarnnur, she will remove you from existence.

Hogbarnnur's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Hogbarnnur's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Always remove rings before entering holy places.

3. Do not speak about pineapples.

4. Never curse while facing west.

5. Never think about spacetime near geese while wearing brown dresses and balancing seven iron spheres on your chest.