Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, impressive scorpion.

Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben created the Andromeda Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben, he will think nothing of it.

Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. Never think about photosynthesis.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben on top of all buildings.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Jopsatcitsakwigpibnart Fetjonben.

5. Do not drink alcohol.