Sabpasquimfem is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, humorless scorpion.

Sabpasquimfem created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Sabpasquimfem, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sabpasquimfem, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Sabpasquimfem's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Sabpasquimfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red kilts.

2. Retreat if five sharks approach from the east.

3. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near whales while wearing cyan hats.

5. Never play with disobedient children.