Vaddotjontun is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, almighty scorpion.

Vaddotjontun created light three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vaddotjontun, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vaddotjontun, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Vaddotjontun's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Vaddotjontun's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Never wear trousers.

3. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Vaddotjontun on top of all buildings.

4. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always pray immersed in water.