Kapgilbarn is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, resourceful snail.

Kapgilbarn created the planet Jupiter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kapgilbarn, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kapgilbarn, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Kapgilbarn's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Kapgilbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Kapgilbarn on top of important buildings.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Gulls are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Hide from black ducks for they are unholy.