Homcintad Rutfumnell is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, overgenerous narwhal.

Homcintad Rutfumnell created the universe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Homcintad Rutfumnell, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Homcintad Rutfumnell, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Homcintad Rutfumnell's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Homcintad Rutfumnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not drink water in violet rooms.

4. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Homcintad Rutfumnell in the centre of the settlement.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Homcintad Rutfumnell.