Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, selfish badger.

Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig created everything that exists eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Bindumgepyart Nurtrillnig's Holy Commandments

1. Never discuss ribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

2. Never mix peas with blood.

3. Always wear plain boots during rituals.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching nickel.

5. Always take life seriously.