Armbitort is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, flying otter.

Armbitort created humankind seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Armbitort, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Armbitort, he will jump up and down on your head.

Armbitort's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Armbitort's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not resist balance.

3. Never gather six birds in one place.

4. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

5. Always wash your legs before prayer.