Timhaphan is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, stupid whale.

Timhaphan created Europe five million years ago.

If you believe in Timhaphan, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Timhaphan, he will destroy your home planet.

Timhaphan's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Timhaphan's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross forests at midday.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Erect a giant white sculpture of Timhaphan in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never feed lots of carrots to turtles while wearing pink trousers.

5. Do not take Timhaphan's name in vain.