Loopbastkab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, all-knowing giraffe.

Loopbastkab created time and space eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopbastkab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Loopbastkab, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Loopbastkab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Loopbastkab's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peas to sharks while wearing brown rings.

2. Never talk about special relativity near horses while wearing cyan jumpers.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always share parsnips with strangers, but never with birds.

5. Always pray immersed in water.