Yarquatteen is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, conceited bird.

Yarquatteen created the world eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarquatteen, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yarquatteen, it will send you a sign.

Yarquatteen's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Yarquatteen's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat beans.

2. Never talk about dark matter near dolphins while wearing violet shorts.

3. Do not keep five badgers in a large pit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not run in public.