Tomnellster Podjabnak is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, egotistical human.

Tomnellster Podjabnak created life seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tomnellster Podjabnak, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tomnellster Podjabnak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Tomnellster Podjabnak's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Tomnellster Podjabnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about fluid mechanics near capybaras while wearing turquoise shoes and balancing seven titanium spheres on your chest.

2. Erect a large aluminium sculpture of Tomnellster Podjabnak on top of all buildings.

3. Pray towards the west.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not kill otters.