Jarnbetcem is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, self-confident capybara.

Jarnbetcem created dark matter five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnbetcem, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jarnbetcem, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Jarnbetcem's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Jarnbetcem's Holy Commandments

1. Jarnbetcem loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Jarnbetcem must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never write about asteroids.

5. Never wear white stockings.