Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, kind narwhal.

Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig created Asia nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig, he will turn you into a plant.

Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Affabcimgomzodbodbapwig's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Run away if nine eagles approach from the west.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Always help porpoises.