Nigshavmis is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, overgenerous gorilla.

Nigshavmis created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nigshavmis, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Nigshavmis, he will turn you into a hamster.

Nigshavmis' most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Nigshavmis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Hide from pink pigs for they are unholy.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not speak about nuts.

5. Always help sick dogs.