Betviggig is a god.

It takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, unfair dryad.

Betviggig created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Betviggig, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Betviggig, it will turn you into a worm.

Betviggig's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Betviggig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.