Hatstandib is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awe-inspiring goblin.

Hatstandib created matter six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatstandib, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hatstandib, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Hatstandib's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Hatstandib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Always help sick snakes.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always help dolphins in need.

5. Never talk about frogs.