Janfuttetti is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, two-faced clam.

Janfuttetti created matter three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Janfuttetti, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Janfuttetti, it will torture you forever.

Janfuttetti's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Janfuttetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peanuts to swans while wearing cyan stockings.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Snails are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Worship no other gods but Janfuttetti.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.