Lidwatbod is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, ruthless tapir.

Lidwatbod created an electron three billion years ago.

If you believe in Lidwatbod, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lidwatbod, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Lidwatbod's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Lidwatbod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not skip in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat grapes.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not take Lidwatbod's name in vain.