Kandimyik is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, tiresome hamster.

Kandimyik created dark matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kandimyik, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kandimyik, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kandimyik's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Kandimyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always help ducks.

3. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

4. Erect five gold sculptures of Kandimyik on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat bark.