Hapmifmob is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, ruthless aardvark.

Hapmifmob created time and space six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hapmifmob, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hapmifmob, it will turn you into a snail.

Hapmifmob's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Hapmifmob's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never skip in holy places.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Never talk about cats.

5. Always help birds in need.