Battiktam is a god.

He takes the form of a slender, sage fly.

Battiktam created time and space four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Battiktam, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Battiktam, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Battiktam's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Battiktam's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt tapirs.

2. Never talk about thermodynamics near hamsters while wearing yellow jumpers.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not run in public.