Captadlarg is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, resourceful weasel.

Captadlarg created the solar system seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Captadlarg, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Captadlarg, she will turn you into a plant.

Captadlarg's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Captadlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Aardvarks are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always help swans.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never think ill of sick dolphins.