Govflamshav is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, happy dove.

Govflamshav created snails five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Govflamshav, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Govflamshav, he will turn you into a tree.

Govflamshav's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Govflamshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never feed lots of nuts to snakes while wearing green stockings.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.