Zigmitbif is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unthoughtful penguin.

Zigmitbif created the universe four years ago.

If you believe in Zigmitbif, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Zigmitbif, he will curse you with boils.

Zigmitbif's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Zigmitbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Always make sure there are no turtles in a room before entering it.

3. Never think about amino acids.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.