Flatfotyatt Flankonbif is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, calm penguin.

Flatfotyatt Flankonbif created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfotyatt Flankonbif, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Flatfotyatt Flankonbif, she will strike you with lightening.

Flatfotyatt Flankonbif's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Flatfotyatt Flankonbif's Holy Commandments

1. Feed all hungry dolphins.

2. Do not dye your hair cyan.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never feed melons to birds while wearing jumpers.