Arfxemnutt is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, cheerful tapir.

Arfxemnutt created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfxemnutt, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Arfxemnutt, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Arfxemnutt's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Arfxemnutt's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never mention ducks.

3. Worship no other gods but Arfxemnutt.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Do not trade with those who eat aubergines.