Gargarquat is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, unsympathetic clam.

Gargarquat created Asia two years ago.

If you believe in Gargarquat, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gargarquat, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gargarquat's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Gargarquat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never paint your legs brown.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate sheep.

5. Never laugh near tapirs.