Tammum is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, resourceful parrot.

Tammum created an up quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tammum, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tammum, he will be mildly annoyed.

Tammum's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Tammum's Holy Commandments

1. Put Tammum first in all things.

2. Retreat if four porpoises approach from the west.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Never paint your head indigo.