Batyarpkop is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, tiresome squid.

Batyarpkop created humanity six billion years ago.

If you believe in Batyarpkop, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Batyarpkop, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Batyarpkop's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Batyarpkop's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Hide from yellow great tits for they are unholy.

5. Never wear ear rings.