Zan is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, unjust tortoise.

Zan created a charm quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Zan, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Zan, he will throw large rocks at you.

Zan's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Zan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed apples to ants while wearing mauve shirts.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not listen to music.