Teenquam is a god.

It takes the form of a large, almighty pig.

Teenquam created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Teenquam, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Teenquam, it will cry a lot.

Teenquam's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Teenquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Do not dye your hair black.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always stare at clouds.