Ponfemgad is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, contented hummingbird.

Ponfemgad created the planet Jupiter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ponfemgad, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Ponfemgad, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Ponfemgad's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Ponfemgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about planets.

2. Ponfemgad loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about special relativity near squirrels while wearing pink hats and balancing six platinum spheres on your face.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Ponfemgad must be the most important thing in your life.