Hatstragquill is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, weak penguin.

Hatstragquill created the planet Mars four billion years ago.

If you believe in Hatstragquill, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hatstragquill, he will laugh at you.

Hatstragquill's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Hatstragquill's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never think about ribonucleic acid.

3. Do not take Hatstragquill's name in vain.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Never eat green fruit.