Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, humane squirrel.

Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab created a bottom quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab, he will turn you into a hamster.

Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Gabnakhotnarlorthatditkab's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never talk about stars.