Futvilmif is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous duck.

Futvilmif created a strange quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Futvilmif, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Futvilmif, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Futvilmif's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Futvilmif's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention turtles.

2. Always help sick aardvarks.

3. You must love Futvilmif.

4. Run away if three shrews approach from the north.

5. Fast once a month.