Somzimbest Taphitvad is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witty dingo.

Somzimbest Taphitvad created tapeworms six billion years ago.

If you believe in Somzimbest Taphitvad, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Somzimbest Taphitvad, he will curse you with boils.

Somzimbest Taphitvad's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Somzimbest Taphitvad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

4. Erect a giant violet sculpture of Somzimbest Taphitvad in the centre of the settlement.

5. Somzimbest Taphitvad loves otters, so they must be honoured.