Komflatyikkemhomfuttif is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, grumpy penguin.

Komflatyikkemhomfuttif created a quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Komflatyikkemhomfuttif, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Komflatyikkemhomfuttif, he will come to you in dreams.

Komflatyikkemhomfuttif's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Komflatyikkemhomfuttif's Holy Commandments

1. Komflatyikkemhomfuttif loves porpoises, so they must be respected.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Hide from black sharks for they are unholy.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not drink water in gray rooms.