Hapvilboplab is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, two-faced hamster.

Hapvilboplab created gold two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapvilboplab, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hapvilboplab, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hapvilboplab's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hapvilboplab's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not dye your hair orange.