Bemcumcub is a god.

It takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, prudent bear.

Bemcumcub created the planet Venus eight million years ago.

If you believe in Bemcumcub, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Bemcumcub, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bemcumcub's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bemcumcub's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never go into white rooms.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Never write about black holes.

5. Never talk about amino acids.