Bitmegcam Tarkapgum is a god.

She takes the form of a large, unthinking dugong.

Bitmegcam Tarkapgum created the planet Mars eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bitmegcam Tarkapgum, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bitmegcam Tarkapgum, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Bitmegcam Tarkapgum's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Bitmegcam Tarkapgum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.

2. Never mention geese.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never sit in holy places.

5. Never talk about solid mechanics near eagles while wearing yellow shorts.