Basszanlap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, clever duck.

Basszanlap created a down quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Basszanlap, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Basszanlap, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Basszanlap's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Basszanlap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Basszanlap on top of all buildings.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never leap in the presence of tapirs.

5. Fast once a month.