Litvabman is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, thoughtless deer.

Litvabman created the world five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Litvabman, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Litvabman, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Litvabman's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Litvabman's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about chlorophyll.

2. Do not sing in public.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never wear shorts.

5. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Litvabman in the centre of the settlement.