Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, caring pigeon.

Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat created the Whirlpool Galaxy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat, she will curse you with boils.

Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the north.

2. Birds are not to be trusted.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Nartgupteen Parkwotgomwegbat loves doves, so they must be respected.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.