Dimtagvonk is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, smart badger.

Dimtagvonk created everything that exists six million years ago.

If you believe in Dimtagvonk, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Dimtagvonk, it will laugh at you.

Dimtagvonk's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Dimtagvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not kill whales.

3. Do not dye your hair red.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always pray immersed in water.